-LRB- CNN -RRB- The gift of an inquiring mind can be both exhilarating and torturous . My job is to ask tough questions , but when it comes to faith , God , and religion , the more questions I ask in my quest for truth and understanding , the more complex the answers become .

I was a bit of a rebellious child . My mom might tell you differently , but I never saw that as a bad trait . I felt that if I questioned authority , fought for the underdog , battled for the things that people told me were impossible , I would be different . Change the world maybe . That same rebellious spirit also led to things that definitely were not good for me , like hanging with the wrong crowd and getting into the type of trouble that I would rather not put in print .

That 's when I `` found God . ''

I became a `` born-again '' Christian when I attended a Young Life camp in high school . My home life was n't exactly going swimmingly , and this group really embraced me . I loved the Christian notion of community , giving back , praying for others and making friends that cared more about doing good than getting drunk , smoking pot and having sex . I opened my arms to Jesus and fully embraced Christian morals and principles . I decided that I was going to be `` that good girl '' and go on to do great things .

I started off at Westmont , a beautiful Christian college nestled in the heart of Santa Barbara , California . What a safe place that was . It was also extremely nurturing . The professors dedicated bountiful amounts of time to our individual spiritual development , and regularly prayed with us . My peer group was all about what ministry you signed up for , not what sorority you were rushing . We lifted each other up , had intimate sunrise Bible studies on the beach and spent hours hanging out with friends , talking about how to lead a godly life .

As glorious and fulfilling as all that appeared , two years into college , the world became much larger to me . More complex , diverse , intellectually and spiritually challenging . It became the world of church , religion and faith versus the world of ideas , cultures , and philosophies . I found myself more drawn to Carl Jung than the book of Corinthians . A good friend gave me a book , The Myth of Certainty . It posed these questions :

`` Do you ever feel somewhat schizophrenic about the relationship of your faith to the rest of your life ? Do you find yourself compartmentalizing different aspects so that tensions between them are minimized ? ''

The answer to all of these for me was : yes .

I started to read a lot . I wanted to mesh with a myriad of thinkers , and religious scholars . I needed to make a change .

I left Westmont after my sophomore year and transferred to USC 's School of Journalism . I discovered I had too many questions about faith to pursue a life of ministry , but I felt good about this transition . To me , it made perfect sense , because like ministers , true journalists love people , listen well and want to make a difference within this universe .

Meet the friendly atheists next door

The key difference is , in journalism , if we gather the `` facts , '' we can usually find the answers to what we 're looking for . When it comes to God , Jesus and the Holy Spirit , those answers rest in faith .

As a journalist , I seek intellectual certainty . When it came to my faith , I felt intellectually embarrassed . There was so much I just could n't explain .

When I started working on a documentary about the growth of atheism , I found myself in a profound place of reflection . In the days when I thought I was going to pursue a life of ministry , I experienced and felt many things that were unexplainable . What was that ? God ? A higher power ? Energy ? Or just good karma for trying to lead such a generous and selfless life ? There is no way to know .

My stepfather , who grew up in -- but later left -- the Mormon church has a perspective on religion that I find intriguing . He does n't believe in a God with a long white beard and flowing robes who sits upon a cloud guiding our daily lives . That concept is too abstract . But while he may not embrace `` God-liness , '' he does believe in `` Good-liness . '' God , he told me in one of our many colorful spiritual discussions , is the `` good '' in humankind .

He and I definitely agree that the concept of God should not be dismissed as having no meaning . To the contrary , it has a very important meaning , for it refers in symbolic language to the highest dimension of human existence , our spirituality .

After years of spiritual reflection and inquiry , I am at a place where I do n't want to feel guilty , hypocritical , judgmental , closed-minded or arrogant . So , where do I stand now -- 30 years after `` finding God , '' questioning my faith , committing sins , seeking hazardous adventure and trying to love life and people to the best of my ability ?

I am a `` seeker . '' A constant seeker within this world , among people and , of course , for spiritual enlightenment of all kind . Because if I did possess the truth -- the `` final answer '' -- I am convinced I would spend the rest of my years missing out on the enrichment and surprise of seeking it .

I guess I just love my exhilarating and torturous life .

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Kyra Phillips became a born-again Christian as a teen

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She attended a Christian college , but left after her sophomore year

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Phillips says she now considers herself a seeker of spiritual enlightenment